KULTURAL MOCKTRINES N’ FAQs
¡ DON'T ASK NO QUESTIONS !
¡ DON'T ASK NO QUESTIONS !
WHERE AM I?
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I’m so not sorry to tell ya, but whatever questionable deeds you done did in your life have lead you here, to H*E*C*K*, a place proudly operated by H*E*C*K* INKORPORATED. Now before you start sweating like a microwaved smoked sausage, relax. This place ain’t really as cool (or…hot?) as hell, not as superficially rewarding as heaven, and definitely ain’t as spiritually promising as purgatory. That’s cause this ain’t an afterlife destination. It’s more like a semi-ethical, pre-afterlife solutions provider. So uh, you’re not really at your divine judgement appointment yet, just intake before your arrival.
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I won’t even claim to know all the way yet, but hopefully some of the art, clothes, stories, games, or other unsuspicious objects here makes you feel something you’ve never felt before or were forced to forget somewhere along this strangely structured “life” thing we all insist on maintaining. At H*E*C*K* INKORPORATED, we typically specialize in unresolved existential wars, moral grey areas, technical fouls, loopholes, wormholes, and a buncha other holy s***. If your file didn’t qualify for eternal torment, celestial promotion, or a good ole’ sanctified scrub, it gets routed here for preliminary assessment and strategic recalibration. So yeah, you ain’t bout to get burnt, or blessed, or bible-thumped; yo morally complex a** about to get benchmarked.
WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING HERE?
At H*E*C*K* INKORPORATED we specialize in the production and distribution of demi-sacred biomatter designed to disrupt over-stabilized brainwave frequencies. Some might call this art, clothes, open-source scriptures, games, music-adjacent things. and othaworldly objects you can wear, read, hold, or stare at long enough to realize they’re asking you questions back.
What services do you provide?
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SO I’M NOT DEAD?
Hmm...depends on what kinda “dead” we talking bout. Biologically? Probably not. Spiritually? Debatable. Metaphysically? You’ll have to e-mail HR to figure that out.
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Upper management prefers anonymity. Let‘s just say we answer to forces that appreciate plausible deniability. We’ve got departments for Regret Redistribution, Cognitive Dissonance Calibration, Calibration, and Art-ificial Awakening. HR (H*E*C*K* Resources) mostly consists of unpaid interns that used to ignore red flags in relationships.
WHO RUNS THIS PLACE?
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IS THIS A RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATION?
For tax purposes, maybe in the future...when HR feels like filling out the paperwork. We do take belief semi-seriously, which makes just about everyone uncomfortable in a church-adjacent way, so why can’t we be tax exempt too?
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H*E*C*K* NAWL…
Well, it really depends on what you think a Christian is. We are anti fake holy, anti power pretending it’s pious, anti God getting used as an endorsement agent for gross self-aggrandizement, anti cross-as-logo, and anti Bible as weapon. But anti Christ? Nah not really.
ARE Y’ALL ANTI-CHRISTIAN?
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IS THIS SATIRE OR SERIOUS?
Yes.